there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
