Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
you made out with another girl for some wings
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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