Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
