I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
