Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
