I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
