Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
