Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
