I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
