I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
