She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
