operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize