I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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