dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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