Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Randomize
