I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick