I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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