I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
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You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
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We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob