never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here