she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
