It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
