you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.