nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.