i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
