I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
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he quoted the bible to break up with me
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
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Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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