better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
