Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We have started to decorate penises.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
