I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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