Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
