Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
