Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
