grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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