I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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