just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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