he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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