She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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