i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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