You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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