Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
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I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
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Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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