she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
