We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
