That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
