So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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