grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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