I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
