i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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