I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
