I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
