im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
