You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
soo... how was my night?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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