Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
