your parents love me but you hate me
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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