i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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