You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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