nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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