I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
