Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
