True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
