Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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