my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
