i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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