There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
