imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
