too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
