??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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